


shit lets bang satan

by Elendraug



Series: bullet time text-fuck-athon [2]
Category: Homestuck
Genre: Cloaca, Cloacalingus, Cybersex, Fingerfucking, M/M, Mutual Masturbation, Oral Sex, Pesterlog, Sex Toys, Xeno
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-11-23
Updated: 2015-11-23
Packaged: 2018-05-03 00:00:58
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,639
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5268830
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Elendraug/pseuds/Elendraug
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>TG: its chill<br/>TG: i mean the waters probably room temperature at first because even on our coldest days in texas its lukewarm<br/>TG: when hell freezes over<br/>TG: hell, texas<br/>TG: hexxus<br/>TG: some tim curry shit<br/>TG: sludge out some toxic love from that sink</p>
            </blockquote>





	shit lets bang satan

**Author's Note:**

  * For [FreakyHumanShit (Maim)](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Maim/gifts), [sundance](https://archiveofourown.org/users/sundance/gifts), [hydromeow](https://archiveofourown.org/users/hydromeow/gifts).



> these two are really fun to write and I love them.

turntechGodhead [TG]  began pestering  undyingUmbrage [uu]

TG: hey  
TG: so  
uu: OH HEY.  
TG: i uh  
TG: ok i was gonna try to lead in with some kind of joke  
TG: or maybe an anecdote  
TG: try to be smooth and shit  
TG: pretend like i wasnt actually thirsty  
TG: pretend like i was going into the kitchen like hey theres the sink and heres my glass  
TG: not gonna do anything about it just gonna chill  
TG: look at that faucet  
TG: whats up faucet  
TG: dont need you for nothin its cool  
TG: not thinking about all that water  
TG: its fine  
TG: its chill  
TG: i mean the waters probably room temperature at first because even on our coldest days in texas its lukewarm  
TG: when hell freezes over  
TG: hell, texas  
TG: hexxus  
TG: some tim curry shit  
TG: sludge out some toxic love from that sink  
uu: I WAS TRYING TO LISTEN. BECAUSE I THOUGHT THIS WAS GOING SOMEWHERE.  
uu: BUT NOW I THINK I WAS MISTAKEN.  
TG: ok forget pretending that then  
TG: pretend im navi  
TG: hey  
TG: listen  
uu: I’M CURRENTLY LISTENING.  
TG: tim currently  
TG: ok stop pretending im navi  
TG: hey  
TG: listen  
TG: wanna fuck  
uu: YES.  
TG: sweet  
TG: yeah like  
TG: ok  
TG: im gonna be honest  
uu: YES?  
TG: ive gotten off to our last chat like  
TG: prob a million times  
uu: EXACTLY A MILLION.  
uu: THAT’S A LOT OF TIMES.  
TG: infinite  
TG: infinite orgasms achieved  
uu: I’M SORRY TO HEAR THAT.  
uu: IS IT POSSIBLE FOR YOU TO HAVE ANY MORE. AFTER ALL OF THOSE?  
TG: [jackoffgate](http://www.adultswim.com/videos/metalocalypse/jack-off-gate/)  
TG: the fappening  
TG: the ultimate sinful singularity  
TG: the come climax  
TG: i can keep going  
uu: THAT’S THE IDEA.  
TG: the masturbation master  
TG: the fingering finale  
TG: the dildo denouement  
uu: THESE SOUND LIKE MAGAZINES.  
TG: would you like to subscribe to my newsletter  
uu: YES.  
uu: AND YOUR RSS FEED.  
TG: archaic internet jokes get me wet  
TG: do it again  
TG: talk nerdy to me  
uu: UH.  
uu: SOMETHING ABOUT IRC.  
uu: AND PORTS.  
uu: PORT FORWARDING?  
TG: oh god im coming  
uu: DAMN.  
uu: I’M GOOD.  
TG: my thighs are shaking  
TG: ive made a mess everywhere  
TG: what have you done  
uu: YOU, APPARENTLY.  
TG: yup  
uu: WELL.  
uu: SINCE YOU CAME SO QUICKLY.  
uu: CHAT OVER. GAME OVER.  
uu: SEE YA.  
uu: tUMUt  
undyingUmbrage [uu] ceased jeering  turntechGodhead [TG]  
TG: oh  
TG: um

undyingUmbrage [uu] began jeering  turntechGodhead [TG]

uu: HAA HAA HAA HAA!  
uu: OH MY GOD.  
uu: CAN YOU EVEN IMAGINE?  
TG: you are a bastard  
uu: YES I AM.  
TG: i love that you just admit it  
uu: I AM IGNORANT OF MY PARENTAGE.  
uu: BUT WHO CARES.  
uu: IT’S PROBABLY NOT SIGNIFICANT IN ANY WAY WHATSOEVER.  
TG: true that  
TG: so btw  
TG: i did not actually get off  
uu: YEAH I KNOW.  
TG: i know you know  
TG: this is just an immutable fact im stating for the record  
uu: ARE WE JUST GOING TO CYCLE THROUGH THE SAME JOKES?  
uu: THE SAME SHIT OVER AND OVER.  
uu: AD INFINITUM.  
uu: AD NAUSEAM.  
TG: ad blocker  
uu: [I HOPE THE AD IS FOR SOME PONOGRAPHY.](http://www.mspaintadventures.com/sweetbroandhellajeff/makemesomemoney.gif)  
TG: oh bb  
uu: HERE’S THE QUESTION:  
TG: that is a statement  
uu: IT’S PRECEDING A QUESTION.  
TG: ok  
uu: THE QUESTION IS:  
uu: WHAT WILL GET YOU OFF?  
TG: talking to you  
uu: YEAH?  
TG: yeah  
TG: youre hott man  
TG: with two t’s  
uu: AS WE’VE ESTABLISHED.  
uu: WELL. SAME TO YOU.  
TG: thank fuck were on the same page about both of us being hott  
TG: smokin  
uu: SICK FIRES.  
TG: are we bringing up sick flows again  
uu: NO.  
uu: PLEASE NO.  
TG: i wanna hear you say please yes  
TG: not about sick flows tho  
TG: about  
TG: other shit  
TG: instead  
uu: PLEASE. FOR FUCK’S SAKE. NOT LITERAL SHIT AGAIN.  
TG: duly noted  
TG: howwww about  
TG: um  
uu: HM?  
TG: remember how i said i got all these toys that maybe youd like to play with  
TG: with me  
uu: LIKE WHAT?  
TG: sex toys  
uu: ...YES.  
uu: OBVIOUSLY.  
uu: LIKE WHAT?  
TG: a bunch  
TG: what do you like  
uu: UH.  
uu: I HAVEN’T TALKED ABOUT THIS WITH ANYBODY. UNTIL NOW.  
uu: SO.  
TG: omg  
TG: i am your first  
TG: sir dude i am so honored  
TG: i promise ill be gentle  
uu: HAR HAR.  
uu: SO I GUESS... I USE JUST. A REGULAR? ONE.  
TG: thats pretty vague  
uu: SHUT UP.  
TG: <3  
uu: A REGULAR VIBRATOR.  
TG: what counts as regular  
uu: I DON’T KNOW.  
uu: JUST KINDA.  
uu: NONDESCRIPT.  
uu: GENERIC... SORT OF PHALLIC THING.  
TG: what color is it  
uu: WHY DOES THAT MATTER?  
TG: i dunno  
TG: just curious  
uu: [IT’S ORANGE.](http://freakyhumanshit.tumblr.com/post/127539550880/sketch-link-compilation-one)  
TG: cool  
TG: is that the only one  
uu: USUALLY.  
uu: BUT I ALSO HAVE ONE THAT DOESN’T VIBRATE.  
uu: THAT’S LESS HUMAN. AND MORE TROLL. I THINK?  
TG: no cherub stuff  
uu: I COULDN’T FIGURE OUT. HOW TO ALCHEMIZE CHERUB STUFF.  
uu: I’M NOT SURE WHAT I’D DO WITH IT.  
uu: EXCEPT LICK IT.  
TG: would you  
uu: WOULD I WHAT?  
TG: would you lick it  
uu: YEAH.  
uu: I MEAN. WHY NOT???  
TG: do you like putting your tongue on things  
uu: DAVE.  
TG: yeah  
uu: LAST TIME WE TALKED. I TYPED A LOT OF TEXT. ABOUT ME HYPOTHETICALLY GOING DOWN ON YOU.  
uu: YES.  
uu: YES I WOULD.  
TG: i want you to  
uu: I WANT TO.  
TG: i want you to eat me out  
TG: you said you have a long tongue  
TG: is that true  
TG: or was that just roleplay shit  
uu: IT’S TRUE.  
TG: fuck  
TG: ugh  
TG: i want that on me  
uu: I WANT YOU ON ME.  
TG: god ok  
TG: i was kinda holding back  
TG: until i got the go ahead or whatever  
TG: but fuck  
TG: dude  
TG: i cant fucking stop thinking about you  
TG: and thats probably stupid since weve talked like once  
TG: but dude just jesus fucking christ  
TG: i got it real bad  
uu: I UH.  
uu: YEAH. SAME.  
uu: I HAD A DREAM ABOUT YOU.  
TG: in your derse jammies  
uu: SHH.  
uu: BUT YES.  
TG: tahts a thing htats kinda  
TG: theres a lot of daves in dream bubbles dude i d k if you know that but  
TG: im not always sure how all that shit works out kynow  
uu: YOU’RE NOT MAKING SENSE.  
uu: YOU’RE TYPING TOO FAST.  
TG: sorry  
uu: YOU’RE TOUCHING YOURSELF. AREN’T YOU?  
TG: yeah i am  
uu: JUST KINDA SIT ON IT.  
uu: THAT’S WHAT I DO.  
TG: yeah w/ which  
uu: EITHER.  
uu: THE TROLL ONE ISN’T NEARLY AS HARD. AND SQUISHES NICELY.  
uu: THE OTHER ONE’S BETTER JUST...  
uu: UH.  
uu: NUDGED AGAINST ME.  
uu: HALF ON IT.  
uu: BUT NOT WITH IT IN ME.  
TG: god  
TG: fuck i want to touch you  
TG: i dont even know what you look like  
uu: WOULD YOU LIKE TO?  
TG: yes  
TG: please  
TG: please yes  
uu: I THOUGHT YOU WANTED ME TO SAY THAT.  
TG: im still holding out hope  
undyingUmbrage [uu]  sent  turntechGodhead [TG]  file “ME.PNG”  
TG: me-ping  
uu: STOP PRONOUNCING FILE EXTENSIONS.  
TG: i owe you a selfie  
turntechGodhead [TG] sent  undyingUmbrage [uu]  file “itsme.PNG”  
uu: I KNOW WHAT YOU LOOK LIKE.  
uu: BUT I APPRECIATE THIS. NONETHELESS.  
turntechGodhead [TG] sent  undyingUmbrage [uu]  file “1.PNG”  
turntechGodhead [TG] sent  undyingUmbrage [uu]  file “2.PNG”  
turntechGodhead [TG] sent  undyingUmbrage [uu]  file “3.PNG”  
uu: DAVE.  
uu: OH MY GOD.  
TG: what  
TG: whats wrong  
uu: LET’S NOT DO THAT SHIT AGAIN TOO.  
uu: NOTHING IS WRONG.  
uu: EVERYTHING IS RIGHT.  
uu: YOU’RE HOT.  
turntechGodhead [TG] sent  undyingUmbrage [uu]  file “4.PNG”  
turntechGodhead [TG] sent  undyingUmbrage [uu]  file “5.PNG”  
uu: I’M SURPRISED THESE DON’T HAVE MORE CREATIVE FILENAMES.  
TG: i dont want to spoil it before you open it  
turntechGodhead [TG] sent  undyingUmbrage [uu]  file “7.PNG”  
turntechGodhead [TG] sent  undyingUmbrage [uu]  file “8.PNG”  
turntechGodhead [TG] sent  undyingUmbrage [uu]  file “10.PNG”  
uu: WHAT HAPPENED TO 6 AND 9?  
TG: what indeed  
turntechGodhead [TG] sent  undyingUmbrage [uu]  file “11.PNG”  
uu: IS THAT A RABBIT?  
TG: is what a rabit  
uu: I HAVE A RABBIT PAL FOR LIFE.  
uu: HE SEEMS TO HAVE BEEN REPLICATED. ON YOUR TOY OF CHOICE.  
TG: oh  
TG: yeah i guess  
uu: HE HAS THOSE SAME SHADES.  
TG: idk man you run into weird shit whne you alchemize shit  
turntechGodhead [TG] sent  undyingUmbrage [uu]  file “12.PNG”  
turntechGodhead [TG] sent  undyingUmbrage [uu]  file “13.PNG”  
turntechGodhead [TG] sent  undyingUmbrage [uu]  file “14.PNG”  
turntechGodhead [TG] sent  undyingUmbrage [uu]  file "15.PNG”  
uu: DID YOU JUST TAKE THESE?  
TG: no theyre actually from a while back  
TG: i could take some for you though if you want  
uu: IF YOU’RE OK WITH IT.  
TG: dude yeah  
TG: i want you to see me  
uu: I COULD ALSO DO THAT.  
uu: IF YOU WANT.  
TG: yes  
TG: please  
uu: PLEASE YES.  
TG: please yes  
TG: i want to fuck you  
uu: I WANT YOU TO FUCK ME.  
turntechGodhead [TG] sent  undyingUmbrage [uu]  file “now.PNG”  
uu: DAVE.  
uu: FUCK.  
turntechGodhead [TG] sent  undyingUmbrage [uu]  file “now2.PNG”  
turntechGodhead [TG] sent  undyingUmbrage [uu]  file “now3.PNG”  
TG: youre not a human so this isnt funny to you probably but  
TG: this is making me think of these shitty fuckin  
TG: compilation cds  
uu: YEAH THAT MEANS NOTHING TO ME.  
TG: its ok  
TG: its a joke for me  
TG: if you cant laugh at yourself  
TG: yknow  
uu: I’M NOT LAUGHING AT THESE PHOTOS.  
TG: how about this one  
turntechGodhead [TG] sent  undyingUmbrage [uu]  file “duckface.PNG”  
uu: OK. THAT ONE I DID.  
TG: is this a face youd sit on  
TG: like when you were writing and living vicariously through davesprite  
uu: WAS IT THAT OBVIOUS?  
TG: yeah  
TG: but i liked it  
uu: GOOD.  
uu: IT OCCURS TO ME. I COULD’VE SPENT MORE TIME TYPING ABOUT TOUCHING YOU. AND NOT THE BATTERY-POWERED DICK.  
TG: doesnt matter  
TG: it was hot  
TG: none of that time was wasted  
TG: and its still a nice visual to think about  
uu: I WANT YOU TO FUCK ME WITH IT.  
TG: is that so  
uu: YEAH.  
TG: which one  
TG: you got options  
turntechGodhead [TG] sent  undyingUmbrage [uu]  file “arsenalofphalluses.PNG”  
uu: YES.  
uu: SEND ME ALL OF THESE.  
uu: PLEASE YES.  
TG: please yes  
TG: thats the new thing  
TG: please yes  
uu: WE ARE MAKING IT HAPPEN.  
TG: bruh  
uu: WHAT’S THE ONE WITH THE RABBIT LIKE?  
TG: feels good man  
TG: idk what all you got happening though  
TG: specifically  
TG: so its tough to say  
undyingUmbrage [uu]  sent  turntechGodhead [TG]  file “[NOLONGERAMYSTERY.PNG](http://freakyhumanshit.tumblr.com/post/116620825475/unified-theory-of-cherub-junk-the-lifes-work-of)”  
TG: oh  
TG: ohhhhhhh  
TG: dude  
TG: dude  
TG: please  
uu: PLEASE YES.  
undyingUmbrage [uu]  sent  turntechGodhead [TG]  file “FEASTYOUREYES.PNG”  
TG: i will feast more than my eyes  
TG: that is a succulent cloaca  
TG: im gonna overwater you  
TG: with my mouth  
TG: just  
TG: get up in there and just  
TG: fuck  
undyingUmbrage [uu]  sent  turntechGodhead [TG]  file “GETUPINTHEREANDJUSTFUCK.PNG”  
TG: oh my god  
TG: oh my god.  
uu: YOUR USE OF PUNCTUATION IS STARTLING.  
TG: i need to touch you  
TG: i need to dude im dying  
uu: TELL ME WHAT YOU’D DO.  
TG: i want my face between your legs  
TG: like  
TG: right now  
uu: GO ON.  
TG: im uh  
TG: i mean its cool right  
TG: if i just say it  
TG: and not fuck around with meta shit with davesprite or whomever  
uu: DAVE.  
uu: TELL ME WHAT YOU’D DO WITH ME.  
TG: shit son  
TG: god im embarrassed all of the sudden  
uu: ALL OF A SUDDEN.  
TG: all of the sudden  
TG: um  
TG: so  
TG: ok well you asked about this vibe right  
TG: the rabbit vibe  
uu: YES.  
TG: please yes  
uu: EXACTLY.  
uu: I WANT TO TRY IT.  
TG: you could  
TG: id help you  
TG: id get it really wet with lube  
TG: and just sorta tease you with it at first  
uu: GOD.  
TG: rub it up against you  
TG: between your uh  
TG: yeah  
uu: IS THAT WHAT YOU DO?  
TG: hm  
uu: TO YOURSELF.  
TG: oh  
TG: um  
TG: yeah  
TG: at first at least  
uu: THEN WHAT?  
TG: idk man  
TG: what are you doing  
uu: I’M LYING THERE WATCHING YOU.  
uu: WAITING.  
uu: I’M TRYING TO KEEP MY BREATHING STEADY.  
uu: BUT IT’S HARD.  
TG: so hard  
uu: TOTALLY.  
TG: i keep rubbing it on you and i add more lube so it stays slick  
TG: a dick named slickback  
uu: WHAT?  
TG: dont worry about it  
uu: OK.  
TG: i rub it on you some more  
TG: and turn up the speed  
TG: its nice because its got this like  
TG: theres options for pulsing and patterns and stuff  
TG: it feels really good  
TG: id keep trying them out until i find one that makes you fucking  
TG: clench your toes and shit  
uu: YES. GOOD.  
TG: then id hold that against you and tease like im gonna put it in you  
uu: FUCK ME, DAVE.  
TG: omg im gonna  
TG: but first i put lube on my fingers and slide them into you  
TG: theyre wet and im gonna go gently  
TG: use my thumb to rub at you while im fucking you with my fingers  
uu: PLEASE YES.  
TG: please yes  
TG: then im adding more lube  
TG: i want you so wet  
TG: i dont want you to hurt  
TG: and then when youre begging me for it im gonna slide it into you  
TG: until the thick part is inside you and filling you  
TG: and youre closed around the base of it and squeezing on it  
TG: its still buzzing inside you  
TG: and the rabbit part is doing its thing like between your um  
uu: HEMIPENES.  
TG: hemipenes  
undyingUmbrage [uu]  sent  turntechGodhead [TG]  file “THISISWHATTHEREFRANCE.PNG”  
TG: sbahj joke noted  
TG: also  
TG: hott  
TG: i like seeing you touch yourself  
uu: YOU MAKE ME WANT TO.  
TG: good  
uu: NOT THAT I WOULDN’T OTHERWISE.  
uu: BUT STILL.  
TG: im glad i can make you fap  
uu: GOOD.  
uu: SAME.  
TG: please yes  
uu: SO THEN WHAT.  
TG: then im gonna pump it into you and let the rabbit part tease your hemipenes  
TG: or maybe not even tease  
TG: just  
TG: stimulate  
TG: until youre bucking against my hand  
uu: FUCK.  
TG: im gonna turn up the speed  
TG: im gonna make it throb harder inside you  
TG: like the most perfect thickest hardest cock fucking up into you and getting so deep inside you  
TG: fuck  
uu: FUCK ME, DAVE.  
TG: im gonna pump it faster  
TG: im gonna make you scream  
TG: youre gonna curl your toes for me and then some  
TG: i can hear you panting for breath  
TG: and im gonna kiss you  
TG: and think about how much i want your tongue to eat meo ut  
TG: and then im gnnoa  
TG: just  
TG: ramp it all the way up  
TG: until youre fucking oyrself on myh ahnd  
TG: \h/o  
uu: I’M GOING TO COME ON THE VIBRATOR. BECAUSE OF YOU. AND BECAUSE OF YOU KISSING ME.  
uu: MY THIGHS CLENCH AROUND YOUR HAND.  
uu: I KISS YOU HARDER.  
uu: YOU MOVE THE SETTINGS TO SOMETHING SLOWER. SO IT CAN STILL BE PULSING. BUT I CAN MOVE AGAIN.  
uu: AND AS MUCH AS I WANT YOU TO BEND ME OVER. AND FUCK ME WITH ANOTHER TOY.  
uu: I’M GOING TO MAKE SURE YOU GET OFF.  
uu: I’M GOING TO LEAN YOU BACK. AND GET MY FACE BETWEEN YOUR LEGS TOO.  
undyingUmbrage [uu]  sent  turntechGodhead [TG]  file “TONGUE.PNG”  
TG: fuck  
uu: YOU SEE ALL THAT?  
TG: yeah  
uu: I’M GOING TO TEASE MY TONGUE UP INTO YOU.  
uu: SLIDE IT SLOWLY INTO YOU. UNTIL YOU’RE PLEADING WITH ME FOR MORE.  
TG: please yes  
uu: PLEASE YES.  
uu: YOU TASTE GOOD.  
uu: YOU’RE DRIPPING WET.  
uu: NOT LIKE A TROLL. NOT LIKE A CHERUB.  
uu: JUST LIKE YOU.  
uu: AND I’M GOING TO TASTE ALL OF IT.  
uu: I CAN’T SUCK ON YOU VERY EASILY. (SORRY.)  
uu: SO I JUST HAVE TO LICK ON YOU. FASTER AND FASTER. WHILE YOU TELL ME WHAT YOU LIKE.  
uu: AND FIGURE OUT WHAT WORKS BEST. UNTIL YOU’RE LOUD. UNTIL YOU’RE BEGGING ME TOO. JUST LIKE I BEGGED YOU.  
TG: pls  
uu: OF COURSE.  
uu: THE VIBRATOR IS STILL GOING FOR ME. SO I’M STILL FUCKING TURNED ON.  
undyingUmbrage [uu]  sent  turntechGodhead [TG]  file “NOTJUSTFICTION.PNG”  
TG: god  
uu: *LORD.  
TG: *lord  
uu: SO I MIGHT COME AGAIN. AND PROBABLY WILL. BECAUSE LICKING ON YOU IS HOT.  
uu: I TURN THE VIBRATOR BACK UP TO ITS FASTEST SETTING. AND GO BACK TO EATING YOU OUT.  
uu: AND I REACH UP TO TOUCH YOUR CHEST.  
uu: THAT’S WHAT HUMANS LIKE. RIGHT??  
uu: I TOUCH AND RUB AND PINCH ON ALL THAT TOO.  
uu: WHATEVER THING YOU LIKE. IS THE THING THAT I DO.  
TG: please  
uu: PLEASE YES.  
uu: YOU FEEL GOOD. AND YOU LOOK HOT. AND I WANT TO MAKE YOU COME.  
uu: I LICK ALL OVER YOU. WHICH SIMULTANEOUSLY MAKES YOU WET. AND ALSO LICKS UP YOUR WETNESS.  
uu: AND WHEN YOU START GASPING. AND GRASPING FOR ME. THAT’S WHEN I GO AS FAST AS I CAN.  
uu: I WANT YOU TO BE LOUD FOR ME.  
TG: im so loud  
uu: DAVE I WANT YOU TO COME FOR ME.  
uu: I WANT YOU TO COME. I WANT TO MAKE YOU COME.  
uu: JUST HOW YOU WANT.  
uu: WHATEVER THAT IS. THAT’S WHAT I DO FOR YOU.  
undyingUmbrage [uu]  sent  turntechGodhead [TG]  file “HIGHSPEED.PNG”  
turntechGodhead [TG] sent  undyingUmbrage [uu]  file “fuuuuuuck.WAV”  
uu: OH.  
uu: OH MY GOD.  
TG: i thought youd like that  
uu: FUCK.  
uu: OK.  
uu: HOLD ON.  
TG: did you come  
uu: YEAH. BUT I WANT TO COME AGAIN.  
TG: omg  
TG: ok  
TG: god youre hot  
TG: ive got like all of these pictures youre sending pulled up  
TG: i cant stop looking at this shit dude  
TG: jesus  
TG: i just want my mouth on you so bad  
TG: i want you to come in my mouth  
TG: maybe keep the vibe going on you while i suck you off  
TG: get the rabbit ear things on one side  
TG: get my lips wrapped around the other  
TG: unffff  
uu: GOD, DAVE.  
TG: thats me  
TG: god dave  
TG: god tier dave  
uu: I WANT YOU TO FUCK ME.  
TG: that can be arranged  
uu: PLEASE.  
TG: please yes  
uu: HNNNGHHHH.  
TG: i enjoy your textual grunting  
uu: I’D ENJOY YOUR DICK.  
TG: i will give it to you <3  
uu: <3  
uu: I DON’T WANT TO STOP USING THIS YET.  
TG: you dont gotta  
TG: but  
TG: you could stop and take a selfie  
uu: OK.  
TG: ill wait  
undyingUmbrage [uu]  sent  turntechGodhead [TG]  file “1SELFIE2SEND4DAVE.PNG”  
TG: nice use of numerals  
TG: jesus  
TG: im gonna make all this my wallpaper  
uu: WHAT WILL THE COMMUNITY THINK??  
TG: nothing  
TG: nobody else gets to use my shit  
TG: you will be my exclusive desktop fodder  
TG: your words will hang over your own fuck-selfie  
TG: i promise im the only one whos gonna see it though  
TG: i got a lock screen and shit  
uu: YOU CAN LOOK AT ME ALL YOU LIKE.  
uu: IT’S FOR YOU TO ENJOY.  
TG: im gonna  
TG: and i have been  
TG: like basically all verb conjugation for past present and future  
TG: participles  
TG: perfect  
TG: whatever  
TG: thats me forever @ you and your cloaca  
uu: GOOD.  
uu: THIS IS WHAT I WANT.  
TG: was that sarcastic  
TG: i cant tell  
uu: IT WAS NOT SARCASTIC.  
TG: ok  
TG: just checkin  
TG: are the grammar jokes doing anything for you  
TG: gerunds  
TG: infinitives  
TG: interrobang  
uu: YOU CAN INTERROBANG ME TO INFINITY.  
TG: and beyond sir  
TG: and beyond  
uu: DAVE?  
TG: yeah  
uu: I TRUST YOU.  
TG: rad  
TG: i trust you too  
uu: YOU CAN CALL ME CALIBORN.  
TG: caliborn  
TG: i will bang you to infinity and beyond  
uu: I COULD NOT ASK FOR MORE.  
TG: hey btw  
uu: YEAH?  
TG: youre like  
TG: i mean you came like ten times right  
uu: ELEVEN, ACTUALLY.  
TG: whoa really  
uu: NO.  
uu: IT JUST SEEMED THEMATIC.  
uu: MORE LIKE TWICE.  
TG: still  
TG: hella  
uu: IT WAS GOOD.  
TG: fuck yes  
uu: FUCK YES PLEASE.  
TG: breaking the structure of the in-joke there but  
TG: anyway  
TG: youre in your afterglow  
TG: warm and fuzzy feelings and shit  
TG: chillaxing  
TG: right  
uu: YEAH.  
TG: so  
TG: btw  
uu: YES, WHAT.  
TG: shitting dick nipples  
uu: YOU MOTHERFUCKER.  
TG: what else did you expect  
uu: MORE SBAHJ JOKES PROBABLY.  
TG: shit lets bang satan  
uu: tUMUt  
TG: uTMTu  
TG: mUuUm  
TG: TtTtT  
uu: OK. I GET IT.  
TG: TMNT  
uu: DAVE.  
TG: yeah  
uu: WHEN YOU’RE DONE. AND CLEANED UP OR WHATEVER.  
TG: yeah  
uu: LET’S DO A HOMOSUCK/SBAHJ CROSSOVER.  
TG: dude  
TG: dude  
TG: dude  
TG: fuck yeah  
TG: please yes  
uu: FUCK YES.  
turntechGodhead [TG] sent  undyingUmbrage [uu]  file “thisisyourfault.PNG”  
undyingUmbrage [uu]  sent  turntechGodhead [TG]  file “THISISYOURS.PNG”  
TG: all of our convos are gonna end with brb  
uu: SO IT WOULD SEEM.  
uu: BRB.  
TG: same  
TG: :^y  
uu: TUMUT  
TG: just how HIGH do you even have to BE  
TG: t:^yt  
uu: BRB!  
TG: same for real  
TG: then we start storyboarding  
TG: fucker  
uu: PLEASE YES.


End file.
